Deck the Halls with Many Things
(Or how to lose all your effective capabilities but learn how to influence people)
A cautionary tale of giving a Deck of Many Things to Navarro, the dashing daring but lawfully stupid™ paladin. They say curiosity kills the Kevin, but unlike the warlock’s familiar, Navarro can’t easily be resummoned after a long rest.
Our hapless hero swore to flip all cards before the New Year, although like everything Navarro sets his mind toward, he failed miserably.
Player’s note: Before we finished, I did not read up on the Deck – I remembered the concept from previous editions but I had no idea what was coming, which made it a lot of fun.
With the deck vanished I read up to see what cards I missed out on, and I include the official version below.
By the official cards, the game of chance should have ended on card 8, at which point Navarro should be level 9 (suck it chumps!), but out-of-the-campaign imprisoned on a hidden plane (safe from the demon invasion, suck it again chumps!), with his items left behind for Iivan to pocket and all other wealth destroyed.
How it went down
First session draws
- Sun: Diamond worth 50k gp. Plan was to sell for party loot but later destroyed
You gain 50,000 XP, and a wondrous item (which the DM determines randomly) appears in your hands. - Gem: 25 2k gems appeared and split by party. Navarro’s share later destroyed
Twenty-five pieces of jewelry worth 2,000 gp each or fifty gems worth 1,000 gp each appear at your feet. - Flames: Devil we defeated is now buffed and Navarro’s eternal enemy
A powerful devil becomes your enemy. The devil seeks your ruin and plagues your life, savoring your suffering before attempting to slay you. This enmity lasts until either you or the devil dies.
Second session draws
- Throne: Navarro inherits a Keep! and is now persuasive… finally a Lord!
You gain Proficiency in the Persuasion skill, and you double your Proficiency bonus on checks made with that skill. In addition, you gain rightful ownership of a small keep somewhere in the world. However, the keep is currently in the hands of Monsters, which you must clear out before you can claim the keep as. yours. - Idiot: Navarro’s intelligence drops by 2, in line with his horse
Permanently reduce your Intelligence by 1d4 + 1 (to a minimum score of 1). You can draw one additional card beyond your declared draws. - Ruin: Navarro loses his Keep and all wealth, keeps magic items. From weak to sheik and back to weak, all in a few moments
All forms of Wealth that you carry or own, other than magic items, are lost to you. Portable property vanishes. Businesses, buildings, and land you own are lost in a way that alters reality the least. Any documentation that proves you should own something lost to this card also disappears.
Third sessions draws
- Euryale: -2 to all saves, permanent. So much for our paladin shining at anything
The card’s medusa-like visage Curses you. You take a -2 penalty on Saving Throws while Cursed in this way. Only a god or the magic of The Fates card can end this curse. - Donjun: all items sent to the Devil from Flame card. Three attuned items (sword, shield, amulet) get saves and Navarro unusually makes all three. Spell slots drained, horse unsummoned
You disappear and become entombed in a state of suspended animation in an extradimensional Sphere. Everything you were wearing and carrying stays behind in the space you occupied when you disappeared. You remain Imprisoned until you are found and removed from the Sphere. You can’t be located by any Divination magic, but a wish spell can reveal the Location of your prison. You draw no more cards.
After two bad draws Squire Luther reshuffles to “change” Navarro’s luck before the final draw of evening. We later note his reshuffle moves the Fate card (cancel Euryale curse) from top to bottom…
- Key: Some awesome item will appear for Navarro, tbd (see draw 14)
A rare or rarer Magic Weapon with which you are proficient appears in your hands. The DM chooses the weapon.
Fourth Session draws - Knight. Navarro gets a second, potentially more polite squire
You gain the service of a 4th-level Fighter who appears in a space you choose within 30 feet of you. The Fighter is of the same race as you and serves you loyally until death, believing the fates have drawn him or her to you. You control this character. - Rogue. Unknown.
A nonplayer character of the DM’s choice becomes Hostile toward you. The identity of your new enemy isn’t known until the NPC or someone else reveals it. Nothing less than a wish spell or Divine Intervention can end the NPC’s hostility toward you. - Jester. Whole party gets 2k XP. Level 6 may be doable by summer 2023! Force draw 2 more cards….
You gain 10,000 XP, or you can draw two additional cards beyond your declared draws. - Skull. Unknown. DM only told me that will fun (for him presumably)
You summon an avatar of death-a ghostly Humanoid Skeleton clad in a tattered black robe and carrying a spectral scythe. It appears in a space of the DM’s choice within 10 feet of you and Attacks you, warning all others that you must win the battle alone. The avatar fights until you die or it drops to 0 Hit Points, whereupon it disappears. If anyone tries to help you, the helper summons its own Avatar of Death. A creature slain by an Avatar of Death can’t be restored to life. - Talons – crap out. All magic items gone apart from Navarro’s sword. Deck disappears ☹, card game over!
Every magic item you wear or carry disintegrates. Artifacts in your possession aren’t destroyed but do Vanish.
Cards we didn’t get to:
Balance (flip alignment) – chaotic mean Navarro would have been fun
Comet (Gain a level if solo an encounter) – no chance
Fates (reverse an event or curse) – save Fayd or get my saves back, hmm
Fool (-10k XP, only to beginning of current level)
Moon (d3 wishes) – I wish Luther was a proper respectful squire… I wish Balthazar was my draconic steed…
Star (+2 permanent ability)
Vizier (any one question properly answered)
Void (Soul sucked out and imprisoned in an object) – they haven’t built the object that can take THAT much soul
The final reckoning
The Good:
+Expertise in Persuasion skill
+2k experience for each party member
+60k gems and gold split for party loot
The Bad:
-Amulet health (19 con) [equipped]
-9000 gold
-2 Int Permanent (I believe Greater Restoration can restore someday so only Bad)
-Amulet Helm (+1 Saves)
-Helmet +1 AC
- potions and all other stuff
The Ugly:
-2 all Saves Permanent (need Divine intervention)
-Adamantium Full Plate +1 [equipped]
-Epic Shield +2 AC/+2 Saves [equipped]
The Unknown but probably Bad:
Devil enemy from flames
Rogue card?
Skull card?
Does having an NPC squire mean Luther has to drop from party???
Net number crunch:
-7 AC (assuming I find a replacement shield), -4 all saves (-6 Con, -5 Int), -2 Int ability, -crit immunity, -10 max hp, +6 persuasion.
Now he is Ready for Combat, or at least he can persuade you that he is ready!